Sunday, August 23, 2009

Miss Universe National Costumes - Part Two

Heidi Montag (in the US national costume?)

Tonight was the long-awaited Miss Universe Pageant, and although the production value was lower than usual (which is already quite low), and the guest stars pretty much nobodies (Heidi Montag? who is she? and why can't she do a rudimentary choreography that looks like the aerobics for the elderly televised class that my sister and I happened to see in Miami one morning?) The judges included a real estate mogul called Lefrak (could he be the one to blame for the blocks and blocks of hideous apartments one passes going to and from JFK?), Andre Leon Talley, some guy that owns the Atlantis Resort, a series of people I've never heard of, Argentine model Valeria Mazza, and the host was a wax mummy featured Botoxed Billy Bush, and a woman I have never heard of.

The top fifteen finalists surprised me, a veteran watcher, because there were so many Eastern Europeans, including Kosovo, who I believe may be new to the pageant, and Czech Republic. We know that the countries of the Eastern end of Europe are favorites of Donald Trump, owner of the franchise, when choosing wives and/or girlfriends. Normally, the top fifteen are heavily populated with Central and South Americans, as well as Caribbean delegates. The only delegates from the Americas that made it in were USA (a hideous even by US pageantry standards blonde with huge tits and teeth and a bad platinum weave), Puerto Rico, Venezuela, and the Dominican Republic. Speaking of the US delegate, one of my favorite moments is when they give you the stats on the women, which consist of : Age, Height, Hobbies. Miss USA's hobby was "Online shopping."

The top five were: Australia, Dominican Republic, Kosovo, Puerto Rico, and Venezuela.

Sadly, Miss Venezuela won. This means that they won TWO years in a row and have now won six pageants total to Puerto Rico's five. This is the first time that a Miss Universe is elected from the same country two years in a row. Still, we made it to the final five, PR was fourth runner up. Which doesn't make sense since she answered the question the best (Venezuela crashed and burned), and Kosovo looked terrible in the evening gown. She had an extremely tall, elongated beehive that looked like a it was hiding either a bomb or a bottle of champagne, depending on the outcome she was prepared. To be fair, Miss Dominican Republic was the most beautiful. But she was quite dark, which they tend not to vote for as often as the ethnically cleansed blanquitas. The prettiest was Miss South Africa, and she didn't make the top ten. Interestingly, both Miss France and Miss Switzerland, who were both extremely lovely, appeared to be of part non-European descent and had dark skin color and hair.

In any case, Gustavo and Patty Cisneros must be uncorking the champagne in Punta Cana or Vail or whichever home they are currently summering at. One more victory for the Venezuelan people, and their plastic surgeons.

Miss Universe 2008 crowns Miss Universe 2009, here you can clearly appreciate the silicone implants of Miss Universe 2008.

See Miss Universe 2009 crowned via an Indian broadcast:

The national costumes were even more fabulous on the stage and in movement than in still photos.

I read that Miss Japan's costume was "toned down" after protests against its raunchy elements (the panties showing, the garter belts, I posted a picture of the earlier version, see link below).

I'm not quite sure what Miss Italy's national costume was supposed to represent, except that it evoked an opera singer? Anyone?

Clearly we have all been affected by the worldwide economic Depression but could not the Irish come up with a less obviously jacked up outfit than this? She took a stretched out mismatched bikini from the 1980s, dragged a flag down from its pole, and borrowed a St. Patrick's Day parade novelty hat from her neighbor and she was good to go!

Miss Ghana, on the other hand, was FABULOUS. I think she ranks with Miss Finland in her Marimekko outfit as my favorites.

My friends and I were in HYSTERICS when we saw Miss Germany sashay down the runway in this outfit. She was schlepping a miniature Brandenburg Gate on her back, like a Pageantry Christ with a Tourist Station of the Cross on her back.

If anyone can explain to me what China's outfit means, I would be much obliged. Is she supposed to be some kind of millenarian warrior? And what does that have to do with the Prince Purple Rain era thigh high patent leather boots? Her evening gown was quite lovely, she looked like a white ceramic with blue decoration urn.

For my earlier post on the national costumes, go here: