Sunday, June 15, 2008

It Wasn't Me, I Swear!

Today the New York Times launched a new etiquette / ethics column in the STYLE section, Social Q's. I just wanted to let my readers, all five of you, know that the question below was not sent in by me. Although you may have read my post a few weeks ago under My Life is a Telenovela, regarding the advice I was getting to look into J Date and my misgivings about this, I did not in fact go there. But I empathize with the lovelorn but dishonest shiksa below. My real-life introductions to Jewish dream boats or alleged dream boats have ended in disappointment. (see below under My Life is a Telenovela) 

They have dampened my enthusiasm for set ups and on-line dating. As have my experiences with set-ups orchestrated in part via Facebook - "do you think he is cute?" "he thinks you are cute." The key difference being that MY profile photo reflects my appearance truthfully. Why do men think they are going to fool you with photos of them that are 20 years old, dating from when they had hair or what have you? It's not like you will be fooled for long, once you see them, as was my case when I met an ill-fated date, you realize they are dishonest schmucks who are wasting my time......And don't even bother to add the Facebook application "Are you interested?" I got a guy who looks like a James Bond movie villain hailing from Dubai, and a seventeen year old. 


Published: June 15, 2008
A few months ago, I met my boyfriend on JDate, a dating site for Jewish singles. He assumed I was Jewish, and I didn’t correct him when I had the chance. Now I’m afraid that if I tell him, he’s going to dump me. What do I do? I really like this guy, but it’s getting weird. C.T., Brooklyn

Christoph Niemann
In case you hadn’t noticed, there’s a wee difference between letting an awkward moment pass and masquerading for several months as someone you’re not. Where to next,

All denominations are welcome on JDate, but the local custom is for non-Jews to identify themselves as such. And you can’t create a profile without answering questions about your Judaism.

So I don’t believe you simply “failed to correct” your boyfriend. You lied, having calculated that he might not like the truth.

I suggest clearing the air as soon as possible: Sit him down and apologize. You can explain that you were feeling vulnerable when you lied, but be careful not to let that sound like an excuse or, worse, an attempt to shift the blame to him for making you feel that way. Remember, you’ll be one short step away from “freak show” when you finally come clean, and you still must convince him that the lie was an aberration. He may be furious, or decide you’re too manipulative to date, but there’s a chance he’ll be flattered by the lengths you went to win him over. And who knows? He may have a whopper to get off his chest, too.