National Costumes

I am still reeling from the impact of the Miss Dominican Republic national costume. Allegedly, she is dressing as a native dominican republic islander. Well and good to rock a bedazzled and skimpy piece of fabric that barely covers your breasts and opens all the way up to your waist. And the lucite platform sandals that she got at Frederick's of Hollywood mail order are also well within the classy fashion we have come to expect. But the handcuffs? As my friend, another Wise Latina pointed out, perhaps the designer was trying to allude to the heady cocktail of racial mixture on the island - indigenous people and then just a little bit of slaves? Only in the twisted world of Miss Universe could someone incorporate shackles into a "national costume." In any event, she is GORGEOUS.

I have no words for the French can-can dancer and the Japanese geisha/hooker/porno Anime character/Noh performer outfit. Did she not get the memo? Your national costume is supposed to show you off to your best advantage. Look at Miss DR!!!! Miss Finland gets extra bonus points for featuring one of my all time favorite designers, Marimekko. Indeed the print used for the dress is the same one that decorates my bedroom as a duvet.

Miss Puerto Rico 2009

The designer of this year's national costume for the Puerto Rican Delegate in the Miss Universe Pageant has truly outdone him or herself (Let's keep it real, I imagine it's a he, a swishy 300 lb. man with slicked back hair and a hand made size XXXL guayabera, beige polyester pants, and pointy toed bedazzled or animal print loafers, worn sockless, naturally, this delectable package topped with large amounts of Sant Maria Novella cologne, and a Gucci man purse).

We have a few choices in our repertoire. Taina Princess. Creole Princess. So what was left?* Our national sport - if you set aside beisbol and el deporte del caballero, or cockfighting? The latter clearly does not lend itself to figuring as a dress. Some may say that it's boxing, and this is exactly where the dressmaking genius went. Missy has a bejeweled hooded cape, lovely bedazzled boxing gloves and belt featuring our national seal and flags in sequins.

*[Because they would never choose a dress evoking Islanders' African heritage, it's either a "trigueña" evoking the Tainos or a blanquita in the Creole outfit]

And let's not forget the stiletto boxing boots. The latter remind me rather of the female Timbos for hos of a few seasons backs, when the utilitarian work boot got a makeover through the addition of high heels.

According to the Puerto Rico Pageantry people, she had another dress set aside but it didn't fit at the last minute so they went with this. But as my friend and Wise Latina pointed out, that kind of bedazzling takes a lot of time. She's right. I don't care how many abuelas you might have locked into your Motel 6 around-the-clock, plying them with Cientoenboca cookies and cups of Cafe Bustelo!

One of my friends and a loyal reader, who is tall and European but is an Honorary Wise Latin@, came up with the perfect title for this stunning national costume: "Teta Trinidad." WEPA!!!!

And here she is, the lovely Miss Mayra Matos, Miss Puerto Rico 2009, au natural ( more or less).

Let's pray this one doesn't have pepper spray in her evening gown, like our Delegate last year, or has an incident of Pageantry Rage that leads her to verbally threaten organizers, like Miss Puerto Rico Petite.