Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Real Housewives New York

I don't know how I will cope without the view into the relentlessly vulgar, offensive, and arriviste lifestyles of the Real New York Housewives. How will I sleep not knowing what the Countess is up to - has she trained her recalcitrant overbred dog Aston (as in the car)? Has Bethenny managed to trick her sullen bald boyfriend into impregnating her before the biological clock runs its course (I actually found her less repellent for about 2 minutes when she revealed her vulnerability and discussed how she has no regret about putting her career first for several year and that she was hoping that she could "have it all" - see my post below about "The Good Wife")? Will Ramona's child convince her to stop dressing like a hooker? 

My only consolation is that in its stead I will watch the new season of WORK-OUT which follows the lives of a group of shallow body-fascist personal trainers at a swanky LA gym run by a dysfunctional narcissistic lesbian who is a total train wreck. Everything from schtupping her staff to launching a heinous line of lycra work-out gear to hosting sex-toy parties at her home, she does it! 

Here are the things I love right now:

love how her own (stage-managed to an almost Joan Benet degree) daughter states that her mom dresses "too young for her age" 

love how she tells her daughter and little friends before their first dance that "men are more afraid of you than you are of them" ...somehow, I doubt that the second statement is true but I completely agree with the first one

for a clip of Ramona see: 

Countess Lesseps:
After the previous episode's slumming on the LES where she went with a young niece to a place called Cakeshop, I was amused to go to the same place myself last Saturday. I am starting to feel stalkerish since after my disastrous date the week before last, my friend and wingman who met me to de-brief afterwards took me to see her crib. Let me say that according to NY high society,  she is trash and not one of the really wealthy since she lives East of Park Avenue.

love the fact that she got break-dancing lessons for her son to give him some "flava" 

love the comment made by her son that if his sister would go to an all-girls' school she would turn into a lesbian, that's because he doesn't know what happens when girls study art history, which amounts to the same thing as being in an all-girls' school......

Alice and Simon:
Anorexic woman, closeted gay man who treats her as his own personal Barbie doll. Famous for her quote: "we don't collect Picassos we collect clothes," in this episode bemoaned that she will no longer be able to don her tacky leopard print one shoulder bias cut gown because she was featured in the NYTimes Style section. Ah, the troubles of the rich....


John said...

I cant help but to harken back to the original "real" housewives, those of Orange County, and to marvel at the coastal stereotypes that are being reinforced when one compares the OC dames with the NY broads. These "real" NY housewives are truly neurotic new yorkers worthy of inclusion in a Woody Allen film. As I watch I feel the urge to stage an intervention! I want to follow them through their lives and when they act out their seemingly endless neuroses, I'd employ a modified feline disciplinary tactic and squirt them with a spray bottle that is filled with valium-infused water.

THE REAL HOT MESSES OF NY is more like it!

Petite Maoiste said...

What a great technique, I would love to employ this on the subway.

Laura said...

I'm going all the way to 70th St to see RHoNY next week! ;)

AK said...

I am of course also obsessed by this. My friend told me I WAS Jill-I do like her the best of the bunch--wish I had her bucks and her bod. HATE ALEX and whatever...Almost HATE Ramona as much, and the single gal is totally annoying! There is little redemptive quality to this show I must say. I rather like the Countess for going down town and yeah, I immediatly wanted to find the CAKESHOP...

I'm thinking of perusing the Flea Mkt. 2morrow. Will you be there? BTW, I know someone who has a cameo in Real Housefruas who Never lifted a dish, NY--except maybe the HIDEOUS Alex--Brooklyn "Townhouse"--haha--it's a shitty framehouse in Cobble Hill!

Petite Maoiste said...

"...shitty framehouse in Cobble Hill" - I (heart) you, AK!
Spoken like a true New Yorker - no, a true Brooklynite.