Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Fashion Citation

Am I the only one facing Bad 80s Fashion Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder? I found this great item - the Fashion Citation Pad - at Nifty Nick Knacks in Venice, FL and I think I will have to order them by the dozen so I can take the L Train each day and face the horror head on. Do I have the cojones to bring a camera and upload the images GLAMOUR Don'ts Style? (I was working at a fashionista-haven Museum when an actually extremely fabulous colleague was inexplicably featured in the GLAMOUR Don't and this is a hideous fate) Can I be as brazen as the Fug girls and just upload them WITHOUT the black bars across the eyes? Let me paint a picture of horror in words for now:

L Train, last week:
Klaus Nomi-esque dyed black hair, shaved to the skull just above the neckline. Massive Old Legally Blind Old Floridian Retiree type glasses, black leggings (naturally), beige cowboy boots, and a BLACK LEATHER SHORT PUFFY SLEEVED WRAP DRESS. This is a diabolical cross between a Diane Von Furstenberg circa 1973 and a Butcher's apron, discotheque meets abbatoir, Bataille would have written a book. Not pretty.

L Train also last week:
Mullet, bubblegum pink and white pin-striped (last time I saw this pattern, it was on a Candy Striper at a Hospital) silky poly button-down blouse WITH SHOULDER PADS, skin tight red jeans, black and red creepers, a huge cuff with an insect encased in a vinyl circle. All this look needed was a fanny pack, but fortunately, the offender refrained from signing her own Fashion Death Sentence.

Posh Spice - All the time.
The asymmetrical severe bob, I did this in 1985.
The bubble skirt, again, did this sometime in 1984.

All of Williamsburg, 90% of the L Train and apparently most NYC co-eds:
Again, I confess that I did this in the 1980s, like a lot of other things I did in that period, it is best forgotten. This is unhealthy, enough said.

Finally, the slouchy ankle boot.
If, like most NY women, you need to get emergency feeding through a nose tube (as does Allegra Versace) this look actually makes your ankle look fat, is that what you want? Maybe there is some trend I am too old to know about, that leads women to wish to pretend they have either gout or elephantatitis?

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