Pierre Menard Author of the Hot Tub

cultural melting bath: project for the 20th century 1997.
18 taihu rocks, hot tub with hydrotherapy jets, bathwater infused with herbs, and pine trees
collection of fonds national d'art contemporain
photo by hiro ihara courtesy cai studio

This goes to show that Borges as always was right. I have this hobby that entails making up fake artworks by known artists. As we know, those that cannot make art, teach art history. This is part of the explanation. When my genius recovering art historian friend read my recent description of my fantasy Tino Seghal intervention to create a hybrid relational aesthetics slash CAA panel he reminded me that the relational aesthetics work involving people chatting in a hot tub had already been done! Above, documentation of Chinese art star Cai Guo Quiang's Cultural Melting Bath.

My panel proposal abstract reads like this:

Tino Seghal: Relational Aesthetics in the Hot Tub.Abstract: Envisioned as a space of sociability, the hot tub is a classic locus of exchange. In this panel, we invite artists, art historians, and museum workers to submit topics for conversation in this platform for experimental thought.

Originality is dead! Did I not read Benjamin, or Robbe-Grillet? Woe is me. Always arriving to the hot tub. Too late. And anyway, if we are going to keep to art historical chronology, we have Cai and then The Jersey Shore as relational art works employing the hot tub....

A creative way to disavow catastrophic fashion choices

J WOWW from Jersey Shore explains the reasons why she dressed the way she did on the show.

MTV Shows

I assume they are Ph.D.s in the Humanities

Relational Aesthetics and Speed Dating

Perhaps the trendiest of contemporary art movements/modalities and one of the more hackneyed means of meeting potential partners seem like an odd combination, maybe not as weird as Lautremont's chance encounter of an umbrella and a sewing machine and an operating table...but there it is. During my recent pilgrimage to the naked ramps of the Guggenheim to experience/participate/ in Tino Seghal's works, it seemed to me that there were aspects of the interaction that resembled the dynamic that I have been told exists in speed dating situations. (Spoiler Alert do not read on, those two of you readers out there) When you arrive at the bottom of the ramps, you are approached by a child who asks you "What is your definition of Progress?" From there you embark on an upwards rumination with a series of partners. On the one hand, a cheesy or maybe parodic reenactment of what we imagine life was like for old Greek or Roman philosophers (but where is my poisoned chalice at the end?) and maybe this is what it's like at the APA. But I digress. On the other hand, the allegorical aspects are quite heavy handed: young child progresses in age to older person at the end of your upwards journey through the ramp, from more abstractedly philosophical to more and more detailed and personal (although the latter might be due to my particular responses to the questions, the issue of agency fascinates me, but more on that later), from below to the top, etc.

Apparently, Seghal trains the participants to ask a series of questions, but from there they can riff on your answers and are not supposed to lie when offering personal information. In some ways, the circumscribed dynamic reminded me of job interviews, teaching, or visiting the shrink's office because psychologically you are "trapped" in a situation with another person or persons where there is a time limit and boundaries on what you do or not reveal , or what you may ask. But when I reached the section where I encountered someone of my own age group, it began to take on another cast. Maybe it was because this guy claimed to be an Ivy League philosophy grad student from Central America and we immediately began to deconstruct the notion of progress politically and philosophically while bonding on what it's like to be a model minority in academia and the implications for our own academic production. Out of nowhere I gave the guy my card, something which I would never do in the real world. This is when I thought that the rigid rules of the game: we are randomly assigned a partner, we don't really know anything besides what we tell each other, there is a temporal cut off point and so only a brief window to let them know if one wants to continue talking, truly resemble this social game of speed-dating. You get the picture. Pretty obvious. One thing that may facilitate the exchanges is that unlike speed dating, or so I am told, here there is a clear indication of what the players in the game are there to do, perhaps someone is temporarily in control in so far as they launch the first question but then presumably it develops according to what you say to them. In some ways it also reminded me of what happens when you are at a shrink in the sense that they are reacting to your version of the story and you never know anything about their lives. And it also shares similarities with the dynamic when you visit a psychic or card reader, you try to tell them as little as possible, they use the cards or other prompts to suggest issues that might concern you, then ask you leading questions. However, if they are truly gifted you are telling them nothing and they are seeing the issues facing you.

The Seghal interactions were unsettling insofar as they were not clear as to the rules of the game. Were the performers working from a script, if so, how did they change it based on your responses? It was odd to get personal information from strangers and then abruptly be handed off to the next performer like a baton at a relay race. Although I am pretty much ignorant of philosophy, I happened to be looking up a definition of game theory for an article I want to write and became fascinated by a term they use, a "mixed strategy" that I understood as a factor having to do with speculation about the other player's strategy. In a way, that is what is happening here, and in dating too! In any event, the idea of speed dating had never appealed to me, but now I see why people do this. Later on, while speaking to a museum worker I learned that there have been quite a few phone numbers exchanged as an unintended outcome of the piece. So Seghal is not only hewing to the artworld's feel-good relational aesthetics orthodoxy and boosting the Guggenheim's street cred and attendance, he is performing a public service!

Model Minority Feelin' the Academentia & Alienation at CAA

I had to miss the College Art Association conference this year (due to my service as a member of a job search, imagine serving on the jury of America's Next Top model only way less glamorous; see Testing the Waters and A Gathering of Nerds for my reports from last year's), but sometimes hearing other people's stories about it is just as good and saves you from having to breathe recycled air in a conference center and drink bad lukewarm coffee at your anonymous crappy hotel. However, I do miss doing my model minority junior faculty meets fashionista "native informant" meets Joan Rivers-Kloe Kardashian-Jay Manuel Nerdy Art Historians and Studio Artists Fashion Runway analysis with my friends. And after seeing the Tino Seghal show at the Guggenheim -excuse me, after having experienced, no participated in, no related to others at - I give up. After the Seghal show I feel newly emboldened to pitch a session to the next CAA that would allow nerdy art historians to take advantage of conference hotel amenities and let off steam:

Tino Seghal: Relational Aesthetics in the Hot Tub.

Abstract: Envisioned as a space of sociability, the hot tub is a classic locus of exchange. In this panel, we invite artists, art historians, and museum workers to submit topics for conversation in this platform for experimental thought.

If some junior faculty member at an art school and a young fashionista independent curator pitch this to CAA, (and you know they will) they better give me credit! Sidebar: I was talking to an artist friend about artists' residencies because I know visual artists and writers that have gone to those posh bucolic retreats and to me it just sounds like the Jersey Shore except they are nerds with Ph.Ds or MFAs but they still drink, hook up, and yes, if available, get in the hot tub!

So for those of us that missed the conference, the Art History Newsletter Blog http://arthistorynewsletter.com/blog/ brought us cynical academentia-sufferers something to laugh about.

First, here is the tantalizingly brief but on-point description of the conference quoted from the blog:

"Bad at Sports discusses the recent CAA conference in the first few minutes of their latest podcast:

So Mark [Staff Brandl], you’re the only one of us who’s actually been at CAA for the last couple of days. I stopped by yesterday to buy a book and promptly ran away. There’s a huge number of humans there and they all seem to be art fans in one way or another, but I don’t see that sort of hungry excitement of an art fair, I see a kind of lonely hearts club vibe and it’s creepy.

Mark: Well there aren’t any collectors here so there’s no money and most of the people are art historians which means there’s a lot of guys who look like Jerry Saltz … But it’s fun, it brings out the scholarly, academic side in me. I just saw a great thing on eighteenth century painting of … dogs."

Next, the fabulous colleagues at the blog share the brilliant tweets by a young scholar of color looking at the conference in ways in which I can identify in more ways than one. LOVE HER! It is worth reading her tweets in full, they are very telling. I think I will tweet next year from CAA.

"University of Cincinnati graduate student Auna R. Hearne, aka BlackAesthetic, wins this year’s award for best art-historian twitterer:

Riding to Chicago with 2 weird white girls and a foreign one. Let the crazy tweets begin…

At the #CAA2010 Convocation, very cool to see my favorite artists & art historians: Griselda Pollock, Barkley Hendricks, & Holland Cotter

Holland Cotter is a cute dude! Wow…and he talks exactly the way I thought he would! Cynical and intelligent! #CAA2010

The #CAA2010 Convocation speaker is pissing off all the ppl ready to pour up at the gala. Chill, Dawoud Bey is speaking

Art nerds unite! I feel like I’m going to be doing a lot of eye rolling this next couple of days. These people are passionate #CAA2010

Old white people at #CAA2010 stop staring. No I’m not a part of the hotel staff, I’m a grad student.

Getting up to put the monkey suit on. Thinking about hitting the Students & Emerging Professionals breakfast shindig #CAA2010

Last night the convocation speaker said “Think about what you are here for.” That was the most resounding statement. #CAA2010

At the book fair, is there a broke grad student discount?! I would love to buy about every book but… ha! #CAA2010

headed to my 1st session at 12:30 entitled “How is Queer Art Relational?” #CAA2010

Yes, I am identifying. The gay and black art historian goes to gay and black sessions #CAA2010

At the Queer Art session with a bunch of white butches and some old queens. lol #cantwait #CAA2010

I agree, forget Bourriaud #CAA2010

#overheard at #CAA2010 “I didn’t think I would see other black ppl here, are you going to the black thing too?!” #joyinmyspirit

Images make papers interesting. Virginia Solomon’s “All Tomorrow’s Parties: Queer Aesthetics & Cultural Politics” AND images #FTW #CAA2010

#Futurebabymama Kara Keeling, Ph.D. University of Southern California

I live to be a discussant like Jennifer A. Gonzalez of UC Santa Cruz from the Blacknss as Model session. Amazing commentary #CAA2010

Debating on whether or not I’m crashing the Yale U reception. My advisor is an alum and said she would claim me but #idontknow #CAA2010

A presence from the queer session was in the “black” session. Shared feeling of otherness? #CAA2010

I had to leave that last session. It was shameless Artist’s Self Promotion. I don’t like your art, don’t impose it on me #CAA2010

I went to the Yale U reception to find Glenda Swan & my advisor. Neither were there and I was clearly not wanted #CAA2010 #Itscool #noshade

Fuck yo Ivy League reception in the ballroom, this is how urban research institutions get down #CAA2010 http://yfrog.com/1em1mj

I have so much respect for my school director right now. what a stand up dude. Really appreciate this free, unlimited alcohol

just heard about a party in 1276…Queers…I’m on my way

I literally got wasted last night. I was gone off of … WHITE WINE?! What is going on? white wine! I had about 2 bottles tho

I know we went somewhere, to a Mexican joint. They charged my card for some food I didn’t eat. I’m not sure how I got back to the hotel

Today, I’m wearing grey and purple. If you see me at #CAA2010 speak! Yes, I’m attending the conference. No I don’t work at the Hyatt

I’m running late, but I’m fine. Headed to the African Diaspora session because Jacqueline Francis is in charge #FTW

Bronze Level, West Tower, Water Tower pow pow pow I just sunk your battleship #CAA2010

Dear #CAA2010 the African Diaspora session is full, there are people spilling out the door. Take notice and give us a bigger room next yr!

Thoroughly enjoying this session. Next up…Tobias Wolford: “What is Africa to me? African American art & the problem of origins” #CAA2010

This speaker sucked the life out of this session. Not sure if its his tone or the subject of the paper. Mass exit #CAA2010

Putting my art history hat back on, heading to the second queer art session: “Desire is Queer!” oh yes it is #CAA2010

Argh! Missing the Art & Violence session! But I’m more gay than violent & there is a white butch w/ an Irish accent speaking #sold #CAA2010

I just got on an elevator going up with some stiff looking artists/art historians. And its 34 floors in this hotel #FML #CAA2010

I know I’m not the only black and gay art historian at #CAA2010 I’m just the only one tweeting lmao

This session’s next paper – A Long Hard Look: Queer Desire in Contemporary Life Drawing #somegayshit #FTW #CAA2010

I’m super boo, grad student broke like a jok but I just bought the LAST copy of this book on Kara Walker at the #CAA2010 Book fair #fistpump

UChicago Press is handing out glasses of white/red wine at their #CAA2010 booth but due to last night, I know the powers of white wine

Chancing white wine again…just one (very expensive) glass of Chardonnay

Last session of #CAA2010: African American Art. I was running late but I’m here. Very underwhelming audience. I’m slightly disappointed

You don’t want to argue with me. Especially not on Twitter. I write better than I speak and I will light your ass on fire

#sigh Most of the presenters on the African American art panel are white. I’m not racist but I would like to see faces like mine #CAA2010

Argh! This session is sooo dry. Why do I feel out of place at an African American art session?? #CAA2010

And the only black scholar speaks like a Southern preacher and is an unimpressive academic. #wevegottodobetter #CAA2010

This presenter is having technical difficulties and keeps pronouncing Catlett phonetically. CAT-LET #Fail #gtfoh #CAA2010

I’m starting to realize that! The most impressive well spoken speakers @ the #CAA2010 sessions I attended…were visual artists

I can’t wait to read this book: Kara Walker-No, Kara Walker-Yes, Kara Walker-? … I bought the last copy available at #CAA2010 pow pow pow

Everybody that knows me knows that I’m not impressed with Kara Walker. I bought the book to bolster my own personal opinion #CAA2010"

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