Cheesus

Here is the latest entry in my obsession with divine apparitions in unlikely places - hospital windows, dropped ceiling tiles, tortillas, and junk food.

This week's IN TOUCH magazine includes a photo of yet another divine junk food apparition. This second instance of a Cheesus perhaps demonstrates that the Lord, in His infinite Wisdom, has decided to appear to US citizens where they are most likely to find Him, in their trashy dietary staples. The next place He should appear, if he is as wise as we believe him to be, is either during one of those fleece blankets with sleeves infomercials, as a Facebook virus, or a new iPhone application. (although no app can top the one that looks like a lighter flame, perfect for waving during rock concerts, safety first!)


Praise the Lord of Junk Food!

Real Housewives of New Jersey Italianate MacMansions

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/28/garden/28housewives.html

Check out this article and the related videos of Caroline and Danielle's MacMansions in Jersey. They feature neo "European" Italianate-American-Baroque decoration mixed with 1990s styling. These massive homes -10,000 sq. foot range - include Baccarat chandeliers with cranes to lower them from the ceilings as high as Mt. Everest, massive Lladro figurines, wall-to-wall patterned carpets, "tropical" print wall-paper, 5,000K 10 ft. long carved wood sofas upholstered in paisley, incontinent Chihuahuas named Fendi, walk-in closets the size of 900K studio apartments in the West Village filled with beadazzled jeans, low-cut blouses, and lots of bling.

Pageantry Frankensteins and more?

Miss Jessica Simpson is hosting a new reality TV show called "The Price of Beauty." And she should know. 

But I hope that she visits the the international sites where the evil geniuses that groom Latin American Miss Universe pageant competitors do their work.

Pageants are not about Nature they are about Beauty ("No son de Naturaleza, son de Belleza") says the most famous pageantry coach/groomer/stylist, responsible for many finalists and winners of various pageants and known as the "beauty Zar" and "guru of Latin American beauty."

http://www.aztecaespectaculos.com/nota/revistaventaneando/osmel-sousa-el-zar-de-la-belleza/2009-02-222

http://www.usmagazine.com/news/jessica-simpson-working-on-new-reality-show-2009275

Latest news on dictators' cults of personalities

My loyal reader Narciso Espejo sent me this bulletin straight from the Bolivarian Republic of Venezuela. A restaurant in Libya has been named after porcine demagogue dictator Hugo Chavez. A sure recipe for lethal indigestion.

For those of you who understand Spanish, here is a sampling of what I imagine might be on the menu:

Salchicha "Vergatario"

Cous Cous estilo "Cadena"* te hara repetir, repetir, y repetir, recomendado acompañado con Pepto Bismol

Falafel "Bolivariano" (bolas tamaño enorme)

Ensalada "Revolucion" - solo lechuga

Cafe "estilo Republica Bolivariana" - sin leche

Cerveza "Cadena"* te hara repetir, repetir, y repetir

miércoles, 27 de mayo del 2009. 5:24:35 PM
Portada

SE INAUGURA EN DAHIE UN RESTAURANT CON EL NOMBRE DE HUGO CHAVEZ

La Embajadora Zoed Karam D. asistió a la inauguración


Un ciudadano libanés decidió dar el nombre de “Hugo Chávez” a un restaurant de comida rápida libanesa inaugurado recientemente en Dahie, área al sur de la ciudad de Beirut que fue una de las más castigadas por los ataques israelíes que se produjeron durante la guerra del verano de 2006, ocasionando grandes pérdidas humanas y materiales.

La decisión de dar el nombre de “Hugo Chávez” al restaurant constituye una nueva muestra de la enorme popularidad de la cual goza en el Líbano nuestro Primer Mandatario Nacional, expresada en esta ocasión mediante el sincero homenaje de un ciudadano común al Presidente Hugo Chávez Frías por las firmes posiciones de apoyo al Líbano y Palestina adoptadas ante los cruentos ataques israelíes contra el Líbano, en julio-agosto de 2006, y contra la población palestina indefensa en la franja de Gaza, en enero de 2009, los cuales dejaron miles de víctimas civiles, entre ellas gran cantidad de mujeres, niños y ancianos.

Anexo se pueden observar algunas fotografías del emotivo acto de inauguración del restaurant “Hugo Chávez”, al cual asistió la Embajadora de la República Bolivariana de Venezuela en el Líbano, Zoed Karam D., otros funcionarios de la Misión Diplomática y numerosos vecinos de Dahie.

Para su apertura el establecimiento se encontraba decorado con pequeñas banderas de Venezuela y afiches que mostraban la foto del Presidente Chávez y consignas de nuestro Jefe de Estado relativas a la lucha por la soberanía de los pueblos oprimidos del mundo contra las pretensiones de las potencias imperialistas. El uniforme de los empleados del restaurante incluye franelas y boínas rojas, a la usanza de la vestimenta que lleva frecuentemente nuestro Primer Mandatario Nacional



Nota de prensa de la Embajada de la República Bolivariana de Venezuela en Líbano.

Rocio Jurado Statue Made of Chocolate

It does not get any better than this! Spanish chanteuse, Rocio Jurado, la Mas Grande, may she rest in peace, is reproduced as a life-size chocolate statue for the second time. The Rocio Jurado Cult of Personality rivals those of Mao or Hugo Chavez. Let's hope that this chocolate monument becomes an annual commemorative event. Someday I will write an article (perhaps in one of those campy academic journals interested in pop culture, where people like me can analyze such popular phenomena experienced by everyday people and suck the life out of them using theoretical jargon). Fun! I love my job. Today's cantaora is tomorrow's historical figure, so don't be too quick to judge, future tenure committee. Let this Model Minority keep it "real." (even though we know there is no such thing as "the real.") 

http://www.hola.com/famosos/200905268555/ortega/cano/chocolate/1/

"Angels in Chains"

While we're on the subject of TV episodes that shaped my youthful subjectivity, here is my favorite Charlie's Angels episode. And a moment of silence for the beautiful, brave, ailing Farrah Fawcett.

Best Love Boat Episode. Ever.

Guest stars in this episode included Halston and Gloria Vanderbilt. A fantastic fashion show starring Elke Sommer was the climax.



Although this once is heavy competition: the one where dowdy secretary April Lopez lets her hair down as the spectacular singer/dancer re-interpreting The Love Boat Theme as a sexy Latin Disco number. OLE!



Both of these shows had a deep impact on my youthfully susceptible subjectivity.