Miss Puerto Rico Universe Reality TV Show

I was traveling so I somehow missed two major cultural events: first, that Puerto Rico's WAPA TV is now airing beyond the Island on cable, so I will be able to enjoy the bad taste and bootleg production value from my living room in the so-called Mainland. Second, the Miss Puerto Rico Universe organization had the brilliant idea of launching a reality TV series following the contestants "behind the scenes" (never was there a more apt phrase....) and allowing the viewers to vote for the Miss that will represent us. 

Given the fact that this is one of the few arenas of national sovereignty (along with the Olympic Games) this is a matter of utmost importance and international repercussions. Let's remember that we have five Miss Universe crowns (tied with Venezuela):

Zuleyka Rivera (2006), Marisol Maralet (1970), Deborah Carthy Deu (1985), Dayanara Torres (1993) and Denise Quiñones (2001).



For an article about this reality TV show, cut and paste this URL to your browser:
http://www.elmundo.es/elmundo/2008/08/18/television/1219056195.html

Mass Festivals, the Miss Universe Paradigm, and more!

I have been thinking about the awe-inspiring Olympic Games Opening Ceremony for days, trying to process all of its spectacle and content, but a trip to our nation's Capital delayed my writing. I was there appropriately enough, for something called a Flag Ceremony, where new Foreign Service diplomats are told of their first post. A flag is held up, and then a name is called. Of course, I immediately thought of The Bachelor: Destiny, will you accept this rose? But Miss Universe is more apt, especially when they announced an award to the person his/her colleagues judged best embodied the spirit of service. Miss Congeniality, anyone? In fact, more and more I am believing that almost anything might be explained by drawing a parallel with the Miss Universe Pageant - the Miss Universe Paradigm. I was anxious about going to the inner sanctum of our nation's State Department, even more so when I saw the photo of Condi on the wall - that hair is more heavily reinforced than Baghdad. And fortunately, my dear friend got a nice post, where I intend to visit him. Although I was not strip-searched nor were my irises scanned, I did get a special badge that read "Escort Required." Indeed. It was as if they'd read my mind! The question is: after all my tax dollars, can they make it happen? 

A few days earlier, and keeping with the international relations topic, I was absolutely overwhelmed by the Opening Ceremony. Most of it was spectacularly beautiful. One of my favorite sections was about the origin of calligraphy and scroll painting, where dancers imprinted the page with their movements. (above). The very helpful commentator on NBC explained that Zhang Yimou intended to highlight key events in Chinese history, cultural and scientific innovations, and three great philosophies - Confucianism, Daoism and Buddhism. I wondered, where was Maoism? But that was, as the commentator himself explained, excised from this ideal "We are the World" version of international brotherhood, led by a resurgent China. 

However, despite my almost non-existent knowledge of Maoist culture, except that transmitted by a friend who is an expert on this period's propaganda, I immediately began to make comparisons, especially to Cultural Revolution period visual culture. (below)

Such mass spectacles, also of course were a modality employed by dictatorships in other countries. 

And there were certainly moments as below, where I could not help but see in my mind's eye frames from Leni Reifenstahl's propaganda film about the 1936 Olympics in Nazi Germany, "Triumph of the Will."

2008 Olympics

2008 Olympics

1936 Nazi Olympics

And moments like this, when the man-savior-athlete-ideal Chinese worker held the boy-savior-future athlete-model student (the little boy who saved his schoolmates in the rubble of the Sichuan earthquake) made me think of New Year's posters' robust infants or of images of a smiling, benevolent Mao with his subjects, the future of Communist China. (below)


And the lovely Bollywood meets 1930s musicals scenes, such as the one below, also reminded me of something just as lovely and captivating but more sinister.......



Cultural Revolution Model Operas.

And for an up-to-date version of Communist mass spectacles, complete with the hand-made L-E-D-like imagery (people moving panels or their own bodies en masse to create moving imagery akin to film), see below, from North Korea (2007). Perhaps this most resembles the 2008 Olympic Games opening ceremony.

Bad Baby Names

I just found a gold mine of bad baby names on the MSNBC web site. They cite a new book, called "Bad Baby Names," and that clearly belongs on my bookshelf:

In “Bad Baby Names,” Michael Sherrod and Matthew Rayback, of the genealogy Web site Ancestry.com, share thousands of shocking names given to real people, as recorded by the U.S. Census Bureau. Discover the funny names based around common themes, like diseases (Fever Bender, Cholera Peace), food (Bread White, Pomegranate Purple), pets (Good Dog), and if you thought Wednesday Addams was unfortunate—wait till you meet Monday Monday. (...) 

Then they have a section of reader submissions:

A cousin of a friend of mine named her daughter Tyranny. My uncle (a police officer) locked up a woman named Sh*thead, only without the asterisk- pronounced Shi-TAYd.--Anonymous, Baltimore, MI

Cut and paste the URL below to your browser to see more:
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/23631411?pg=1#TDY_Names_Bad

Recently I seem to be in need of such books since so many of my friends are having babies, which is thrilling for me since I love to see them happy, I get to dress the kids in cute outfits, but I don't have to change diapers. 

Now I am as usual when confronted with these campy monikers, considering legally changing my name to "Hysteria Johnson," or perhaps "Lust Garden," 

Summer Fashion Obsessions

Although I am not what one would call a sports fan, unless you count Miss Universe as a sport, I found plenty of interest at the 2008 Olympics Opening Ceremonies. The ceremonies themselves require their own post, but I will have to leave time for that later. Although it pains me to say this, I think France was the most elegant country, along with Ghana, whose uniforms for some reason are impossible to find on the internet. Ditto Palestine, whose outfits were made of the same cloths they wear as scarves or head-dresses, fierce! Going for that retro Chariots of Fire, summer in Cannes look, the French kept cool in the humid miserable heat while looking fresh and stylish.

Turkmenistan gets my vote if only for their originanlity, I especially loved the olive/chartreuse-y color and the fact that the ruler of their country designed the outfits. As my friend put it, the people of the 'Stans are the Puerto Ricans of Europe- they love color!

The Russians looked like stewards/stewardesses at a used car convention in Iowa. 

I love my country and yet find it hard to defend the red and yellow uniforms they wore. Of course, we are hampered by the awkward colors of our flag, but given the amazing designers we have, such as Adolfo Dominguez, we could have come up with something better than a 1980s airline stewardess look. 

Canada, my favorite North American country, why did you fail us? Is it because for 3/4 of the year your citizens are clad in long underwear, shapeless wool garments, and coats that resemble down blankets? Thus, you have little experience in selecting actual clothes? I can forgive you. But just this once.

Team USA. Ralph Lauren fucks up yet again in his unstinting effort to pursue his WASP mimicry. As many have commented, these clothes look cheaply made. The fabrication appears to be polyester blend of some sort. The little caps look very old Puerto Rican man circa 1978, not that there's anything wrong with that, but it doesn't really match with the uber-Hamptons look I think he was trying to achieve. The Polo logo, which seems to be getting larger and larger, much like US citizens' waists, overshadows the Olympic logo. Apparently he was going for a "Chariots of Fire" retro look. France succeeded and Polo failed (see above). 

And now for something completely different (but related? since we are talking about "national uniforms"): a shop called Zachary's Smile has rolled out a series of dresses fabricated from Ivory Coast textiles. I first noticed them at Anthropologie, for 298$. Soon, I became obsessed by the 1960s tailoring with the colorful intricate designs, the girly flounces with the vibrant and strong patterns, the Europe meets Africa combination, the exquisite tailoring. Finally, I tried one on. Big mistake. Miraculously tailored to fit an hourglass figure, the dress looked like it was custom-made. I have been stalking Antrhopologie, calling each week to see if they are on sale. Finally, I found the store that makes them, Zachary's Smile. They were extremely friendly and told me that they do Lay-Away, a practice I associated with sectional sofas and flat-screen TV's, and that they have a whole shipment of Winter clothing also in the Cote d'Ivoire fabrics. 

Then I began reading blog posts critiquing the line for promoting Western appropriation of African looks, similarly to those of us that wear Mandarin collar shirts, Chinoiserie prints or Quipaos (guilty, guilty, and guilty as charged). Would I feel offended if I saw White people wearing guayaberas? Flamenco dresses? Manila shawls? I admit a certain smug disdain might rear its ugly head - so am I a hyppocrite? Is there room to admire another culture's aesthetics without being labeled an exoticizing appropriator? Is it OK for me to wear clothing made from African textiles since I am not quite White? Would it be OK if it was an African-descent designer selling these gorgeous things to us in the USA? What about the mark-up? How much of the profits are the amazing tailors getting? One of the joys of traveling is getting clothes from other countries, my Spanish friends come here and buy GAP jeans, I buy Adolfo Dominguez. On the creepy globalization front, I have heard that places like the Salvation Army sell the surplus donations we give here in the US to African countries, so you see people over there wearing tees that say "Naples High School Cheerleading Squad."

Political-angst aside, these are probably the loveliest dresses I have ever seen, and I may just go over there and sign up for my very first Lay-away transaction!

Groovin' pandas

If you go to cnn.com international and then find the videos, you must search for the phrase "groovin' pandas." There you will find a video of children dressed as one of the Olympic mascots, the panda, doing a dance that is a hybrid of hip hop and Tai chi. Intended to be cute and impressive as a spectacle, as one friend noted the outfits are ill-fitting and appear to be made of cheap polyester. There is a sinister tinge to the zoomorphic dancers, something disturbingly grotesque along the lines of Matthew Barney, surely un-intended. 

I believe this footage was of a rehearsal for Friday's Opening Ceremonies, and all I can say is, I am counting the hours, minutes and seconds until they take place so that I can see the entire thing. 

Since I saw the video on CNN International a couple of days ago, I've watched this kitsch spectacle- over and over again. The night it was aired they ran it a couple of times and the news casters had some of the inflatable plastic versions of the mascots as well, of course they were laughing about this whole aspect of Olympics 2008 Visual Culture (as my genius friend calls it). And someone in the CNN editing booth must love the tape as much as me because they ran it again, tonight as the backdrop for the credits when the World News ended.

Hopefully, it's not just the pandas and at the Opening Ceremonies they will incorporate all of them.

According to one article in the Los Angeles Times blog, "The blue fuwa, Beibei, for example, is female, gentle and pure in personality. She was inspired by the traditional Chinese New Year depiction of lotus and fish and represents prosperity and the aquatic sports. Jingjing, a giant panda, is male, honest and optimistic, and represents happiness, weightlifting and judo -- though not necessarily in that order. The red fuwa Huanhuan, inspired by the Olympic flame, is a male extrovert whose ideal is passion and who represents the ball sports. Yingying, the yellow fuwa, is a male Tibetan antelope who is lively and vivacious and represents health and track and field." 

(article URL - http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/olympics_blog/2008/08/yeah-but-could.html)

The Tibetan antelope mascot is also quite sinister, they enshrine a little animal symbol of the region as part of China, and the gendering of these mascots surely deserves much study. But I am not equipped to deconstruct the cultural symbolism of this manifestation of Olympic Visual Culture, I defer to my brilliant friends, who hopefully might comment on this post.

Who would have thought to create a hybrid choreography - part hip hop, part tai-chi, part cheer leading, and part Rockettes? I think I need say no more. Fabulous.


Here is the URL
http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/world/2008/08/
05/vo.china.panda.dance.ap?lref=videosearch

Princess Chunk

It's a long hot summer in New York City. The news is focusing either on the Olympics or on the Campaign, two seemingly endless national competitions. Yet New York and all of the US is obsessed by the World's Largest Cat, a 44 lb. beauty abandoned and christened "Princess Chunk" by her keepers. No one can talk about anything else. There are two elements that make the story even more topical. In a Summer when citizens were perplexed by the story of the transman who bore a child, and outraged by the wave of foreclosures while the US government bailed out big banks, lenders, and corporations, this cat's gender was mis-identified and the abandonment was due to the owner's foreclosed home. 

This story has elicited a sense of shared neighborly commonality -- the NYPOST even has a photo gallery submitted by readers of their own zaftig felines. I have to say that is has made me laugh harder than anything in a LONG time. Do NOT miss these photo galleries, disturbing as they are. I know, I know, people are starving and in the USA, pets are obese like many North Americans. But for once, let's surrender to these adorable animals and their perverse owners' naming practices. Of course all 3 readers of this blog know about my obsession with "unusual" names, and here is new horizon: pets! 


P


For the link to the NYPOST story including links to video of local news coverage and the FABULOUS reader submitted fat cat galleries, copy this to your browser:

http://www.nypost.com/seven/07312008/news/regionalnews/fat_cat_owners_found_122415.htm

Mr. T's Homophobic Mars Chocolate Commercial

A friend alerted me to the controversy that has (rightly) erupted in the UK following the airing of a Mars chocolate ad featuring the man who never goes out of style, Mr T. (see the ad, above) If you cut and paste the url below you can read the TMZ story about this brouhaha. http://www.tmz.com/2008/07/29/mr-t-i-pity-the-homophobic-fool/

Since I am equally as juvenile as the advertising creatives that conceived the ad, I could not resist the thought of another reaction to the ad: the "academented" one.

This is so problematic, in so many ways, swishy walk, 1970s aerobic short shorts, a cannon aimed at a backside, the nuts in the chocolate....and SO SUBTLE too, you really need a PhD in Semiotics from Brown to figure out the nuances behind the textual and visual tropes, I am impressed that TMZ parsed the subtext so ably and then explicated it to the un-schooled audience. Is somebody going to give a paper at the MLA about this? "Aiming the Can(n)on: Mr T's Nuts, Subaltern Mimicry and Queer Minstrelsy"