Miss Puerto Rico 2009

The designer of this year's national costume for the Puerto Rican Delegate in the Miss Universe Pageant has truly outdone him or herself (Let's keep it real, I imagine it's a he, a swishy 300 lb. man with slicked back hair and a hand made size XXXL guayabera, beige polyester pants, and pointy toed bedazzled or animal print loafers, worn sockless, naturally, this delectable package topped with large amounts of Sant Maria Novella cologne, and a Gucci man purse).

We have a few choices in our repertoire. Taina Princess. Creole Princess. So what was left?* Our national sport - if you set aside beisbol and el deporte del caballero, or cockfighting? The latter clearly does not lend itself to figuring as a dress. Some may say that it's boxing, and this is exactly where the dressmaking genius went. Missy has a bejeweled hooded cape, lovely bedazzled boxing gloves and belt featuring our national seal and flags in sequins.

*[Because they would never choose a dress evoking Islanders' African heritage, it's either a "trigueña" evoking the Tainos or a blanquita in the Creole outfit]

And let's not forget the stiletto boxing boots. The latter remind me rather of the female Timbos for hos of a few seasons backs, when the utilitarian work boot got a makeover through the addition of high heels.

According to the Puerto Rico Pageantry people, she had another dress set aside but it didn't fit at the last minute so they went with this. But as my friend and Wise Latina pointed out, that kind of bedazzling takes a lot of time. She's right. I don't care how many abuelas you might have locked into your Motel 6 around-the-clock, plying them with Cientoenboca cookies and cups of Cafe Bustelo!

One of my friends and a loyal reader, who is tall and European but is an Honorary Wise Latin@, came up with the perfect title for this stunning national costume: "Teta Trinidad." WEPA!!!!

And here she is, the lovely Miss Mayra Matos, Miss Puerto Rico 2009, au natural ( more or less).

Let's pray this one doesn't have pepper spray in her evening gown, like our Delegate last year, or has an incident of Pageantry Rage that leads her to verbally threaten organizers, like Miss Puerto Rico Petite.

Sarah Palin: Poet Laureate?

Gloria Soltero is my idol

Newscaster Gloria Soltero makes an impassioned plea against the government of Luis Fortuño (or Luis Infortunio as wits refer to him) and his incessant and ruthless cuts of Island arts and culture organizations. Tu TV is like the PBS of Puerto Rico. According to Wikipedia (I know, I know) it first aired in 1958, so it was "The first educational TV station in Latin America" and it is non-commercial and affiliated with PBS.

Some people can also see it in the continental US (at least I used to be able to in Brooklyn). I used to watch their news broadcasts and their excellent documentaries about the history and culture of the Island.

Apparently the Governator cut the news program and let them know just a few minutes before they went on the air to present their last newscast. This is the moment you see above, the beginning of the broadcast, where Soltero, one of the anchors, explains what happened. As she says, "un pueblo sin prensa es un pueblo esclavo." And "un pueblo sin libertad de prensa es un pueblo esclavo." (a people without press are enslaved people and a people without freedom of the press are enslaved people)

http://www.tutv.puertorico.pr/08_09.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/WIPR-TV

Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor

I Want Nene to Read Me a Bedtime Story

In one of those moments of Reality TV Intertextuality, Nene from Real Housewives Atlanta reads aloud from "Cop Without a Badge" the scandalous account of Columbian drug lords, murderers, kidnappers, addicts, and the prostitutes who love them. This book featured prominently in Real Housewives of New Jersey when Caroline and Dina were alerted to the fact that another housewife, Danielle (really called Beverly, she changed her name in an attempt to start a new life undercover after she copped a plea to avoid prison, clearly she wanted to fade into obscurity or else she would not have signed up for a Bravo TV show) appeared in the book as the a coke addicted "prostitution-whore" and girlfriend of the head of a Columbian drug cartel.

Allegedly un-staged as a backstage "bonus" video, Nene is shown in some kind of an office casually reading aloud, as if the camera is not trained on her, but she also works it for the camera, winking to her audience.

It seems fitting that the intertextual moment should be figured literally as a book. The book signals the intersection between "real" life and "reality TV life" acting to reinforce the "realness" of the "reality TV life we are seeing." (In the case of the video above, I love how Nene mentions offhandedly that she hangs out with Danielle sometimes, as if they'd casually met at the beauty parlor or mall.) I also find it fascinating to know that these women know how to read. (just kidding)

Here is the moment when the book had its literal star appearance on RHNJ:

And the grisly aftermath, when Teresa is more inarticulate than usual in her rage:

Dictator Porn

This one could be the cover of a Danielle Steele novel.

Here, apparently auditioning for a Playgirl pictorial, Putin showcases his delectable moobs. Now that Gisele is pregnant, Victoria's Secret will be giving him a call.

This one is something out of a hunting publication, MANDATE or some other gay magazine.

The AP hires comedic geniuses to write their articles. The evidence is in an article signed by someone called Lynn Berry titled "KG Beefcake" (link below) describing what is now an annual tradition: Vladimir Putin's summer pictorial. It begins with a reference to the "Czarboro man." I only wish I'd thought of this first!

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5hAow61U7kW5ktEJ4qIzEUoLSeI4AD99SUIBO1

SOURCE: All photos AP

Mariquita Perez Dolls

According to Wikipedia, the Mariquita Perez doll was produced in Spain from 1938-1976.

I don't believe I ever owned one of these sinister figures, but she is clearly the height of ideal Francoist girlhood. I guess she was a bit like the American Girl dolls now, but more of a Fascist Girl doll. Spanish readers, please enlighten me about this phenomenon, because I have heard of her, but I was a Nancy fan. ( For Nancy, see link below)

http://petitemaoiste.blogspot.com/2008/10/nancy-doll-my-childhood-style-icon.html

Above is my personal favorite, a Mariquita in Goyesque garb, to imitate a famous portrait of the Duchess of Alba.

Here she is taking her First Communion

There are more pictures of her in the blog below:

http://www.amavib.com/amavib/momentosmariquita_archivos/momentosmariquita.htm