Puerto Rican Female Impersonator Interviews Hector Lavoe, 1984

I died and went to heaven when my Boricua friends introduced me to Cuca Gomez, who had her own TV show in the 1980s, after I departed the Island. Here she is in all her splendor, interviewing salsa legend Hector Lavoe, who gamely plays along with her drag act. FABULOUS!!!!!!!!

Merengue Cristiano

I discovered the joys of local TV watching in PR. There is a show called "No te duermas" which is basically a hybrid dance party/chat show/soft porn spectacular. Reguetoneros and musicians of various local musical forms play while practically nude women gyrate in g-strings. The Puerto Rican neutrals are of course very much in evidence, as are massive coolans with lots of cellulite, extremely lengthy acrylic nails, bootleg weaves and unnatural hair dyes, and heels of stratospheric heights. Bizarrely, a Christian Merenguero called Tu Amigo Miguelito chose this venue for an interview. Apparently, this is a very popular genre as is salsa cristiana. 

Ingrid Marie Bombs at the National Costume Competition

It's one of my favorite times of year: Miss Universe!!!!!! This year, I will be in Spain and won't be able to host my Second Annual Miss Universe Watching Soiree to which you must come in your country's national costume, or don that of another country you love. While in PR I noted the complete and constant coverage given to each day's activities in the days prior to the contest. Ingrid Marie donned "Taino" garb as her National Costume. It looked more like a West Indian Carnival outfit and I don't think we know what the Tainos wore, but we can guess that women went topless. Meanwhile, there was some bochinche about dueling Ingrid Marie handlers - she disliked her manager's mediocre work vis a vis the media, and another man on her team also argued with this woman. This man was interviewed in a local TV show "Te Lo Vendo Al Costo" and he was INSOLITO. First of all, he was wearing a polyester pinstriped shiny suit with pointy shoes and he kept saying that he was FUSTRADO (like saying one is FUSTRATED) by the situation. This can only cause me to feel dread about the people taking care of her in Vietnam. This would not happen to the Cisneros-led Miss Venezuela organization. However, here is the good news: a local Vietnamese paper singled Ingrid Marie as one of three front runners and Miss Venezuela is not pretty. So maybe we have a chance.

WTF Plaza las Americas

My first visit to Plaza las Americas in years took place last night. It is, allegedly, the largest shopping mall in Latin America (or, at least, in the Caribbean region). It has gone decidedly upscale which doesn't quite score with the minus zero GNP of the Island - according to the CIA and they should know, below Haiti! - and the Island's rank as lowest income level in the USA. You wouldn't necessarily have to go to the so-called Mainland or to Spain to shop since they have MAC, Kiehl's, Custo, Tous, Coach, Brooks Brothers, Agata Ruiz de la Prada, GAP, etc. The logo for the mall is the three sails of Columbus' boats, a nice metaphor for the imperial arrival of culture and commerce. These sails re-appear within the mall.




This mall has Valet Parking, a nice touch given the extreme heat, the massive size of the parking lot, and locals' fear of crime. To wit, there are guard towers in the lot itself.



Similar ones are found in supermarket or drug store parking lots. It feels good to know you are covered by an armed guard when you return to your car loaded down with maxi pads and batteries.

The shoestores are some of my favorite things -- women apparently do not wear heels under 4 inches here. And the Puerto Rican Neutrals are very much in evidence. In fact, many shoes contain several of these neutral elements at once (see photo) - metallic, animal print, patent, sequins or stones, etc.

Real News - Puerto Rican Names

Here I am back in Puerto Rico where I will soon resemble Mama Cass if I don't stop eating mofongo, frituras, asopao, pan sobao, flan, and much more, and I have been given a crash course in local pop culture by friends far less deracinated than me. I will send more posts soon including updates on Ingrid Marie's performance in Vietnam at Miss Universe, born-again clean and sober merengueros, scantily clad women on late night chat shows, Afro-Puerto Rican female impersonators and much much more.....but for now, let me add some names to the roster of shall we say unusual or original monikers favored by my people.

The following list emerged during a dinner party at which the guests began to recall friends', class mates, and coworkers names. To my Boricua readers out there, please send in more names!!!!!!

Migda Lys
Yadmarie
Marangelie (alternate form: Maranjelie)
Maria Iberdinia (known fondly as Ibesita)
Charyl
Ilvin (man's name)
Ladivina
Zorileana
Criseta
Jina (yes, Gina pronounced in Spanish with the j making the g sound)
Yomarie (not, yo' Marie)
Yolimar
Yolitza (I am going to the courthouse to change my name right now!)
Lady (this, I was told, is a Cuban name, and is pronounced in English Laahdee)
Avis (Aaahveees, yes, it's from the car company)
Abdiel (man's name)
Yesenia
Yenitza
Yalis
Zainit
Yelil (man's name)
Dewit (man's name)
Ladis Nilet
Zuaniahy (a Taino name, ladies and gentlemen)

And sorry about the missing accents, use your imagination, but the freaking computer is Anglo-centric and I am too stupid to figure out how to change the keyboard to Spanish. Because I have a PhD which of course guarantees that I have no common sense for everyday tasks. Obvio.

Miscellaneous observations

I've been super busy writing an article and getting prepared for a trip to Puerto Rico -- that will surely generate plenty of Real News, WTF? and perhaps even My Life is a Telenovela posts -- but in the meantime, a few observations:

1. Tim Russert: Very tragic and makes everyone I know regret that we won't have his point of view for this pivotal election. It also led to a number of conversations where friends of mine and I commiserated about our fears that if we continue to be workaholics we too will drop dead of heart attacks young. I found it moving to see the human side of the "liberal media" (because the people on FOX are completely out of the park when it comes to any expectations of human empathy or decency), to observe collegiality and even friendships across competing networks and cable outlets. However, why is it that prominent men, even my beloved Obama, fetishize the FATHER -SON relationship and ignore the mothers? 

2. Al Gore is endorsing Obama today. What took him so long? HRC conceded with as much good grace as she could muster many days ago! Even the NY Delegation stepped up the day after Obama got the requisite number of delegates. Does anyone else find this problematic? 

It Wasn't Me, I Swear!

Today the New York Times launched a new etiquette / ethics column in the STYLE section, Social Q's. I just wanted to let my readers, all five of you, know that the question below was not sent in by me. Although you may have read my post a few weeks ago under My Life is a Telenovela, regarding the advice I was getting to look into J Date and my misgivings about this, I did not in fact go there. But I empathize with the lovelorn but dishonest shiksa below. My real-life introductions to Jewish dream boats or alleged dream boats have ended in disappointment. (see below under My Life is a Telenovela) 

They have dampened my enthusiasm for set ups and on-line dating. As have my experiences with set-ups orchestrated in part via Facebook - "do you think he is cute?" "he thinks you are cute." The key difference being that MY profile photo reflects my appearance truthfully. Why do men think they are going to fool you with photos of them that are 20 years old, dating from when they had hair or what have you? It's not like you will be fooled for long, once you see them, as was my case when I met an ill-fated Match.com date, you realize they are dishonest schmucks who are wasting my time......And don't even bother to add the Facebook application "Are you interested?" I got a guy who looks like a James Bond movie villain hailing from Dubai, and a seventeen year old. 

SOCIAL Q’S
LieDate.Com

By PHILIP GALANES
Published: June 15, 2008
A few months ago, I met my boyfriend on JDate, a dating site for Jewish singles. He assumed I was Jewish, and I didn’t correct him when I had the chance. Now I’m afraid that if I tell him, he’s going to dump me. What do I do? I really like this guy, but it’s getting weird. C.T., Brooklyn


Christoph Niemann
In case you hadn’t noticed, there’s a wee difference between letting an awkward moment pass and masquerading for several months as someone you’re not. Where to next, Gay.com?

All denominations are welcome on JDate, but the local custom is for non-Jews to identify themselves as such. And you can’t create a profile without answering questions about your Judaism.

So I don’t believe you simply “failed to correct” your boyfriend. You lied, having calculated that he might not like the truth.

I suggest clearing the air as soon as possible: Sit him down and apologize. You can explain that you were feeling vulnerable when you lied, but be careful not to let that sound like an excuse or, worse, an attempt to shift the blame to him for making you feel that way. Remember, you’ll be one short step away from “freak show” when you finally come clean, and you still must convince him that the lie was an aberration. He may be furious, or decide you’re too manipulative to date, but there’s a chance he’ll be flattered by the lengths you went to win him over. And who knows? He may have a whopper to get off his chest, too.


http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/15/fashion/15social.html?ex=1371096000&en=5a8224fe37cda238&ei=5124&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink